It’s easy to lose yourself in this day and age. We define ourselves by the things we have and what we do. But what happens when we can’t do those things or the things we have are taken away? All we have left is ourselves. That can be one of the most daunting things we face. It’s hard to face the world as a bare slate with nothing else but our own identity, and it can be hard to understand who we are except in relation to others.
Buddhist philosophy in the Mahayana tradition explains this excellently; we cannot be separate from those around us. In essence, we do not exist except in reference to everyone else in the world? A sheet of paper cannot be separate from the tree, the sun, the rain, etc.
WHAT? I don’t exist? Yeah, scary thought right?
It’s an idea that teaches that we must be compassionate to all other beings, and is something we can all learn from. Ideas such as this can cause one to see the importance of caring for the environment and for those less fortunate than ourselves. But really, wouldn’t that cause us to abandon all thought for the elusive ‘self’ we believe to have, in the focus of appealing to compassion for others? Not really.
How can you look after others if you don’t look after yourself?
Excuse me for going all philosophical, I don’t claim to be the modern Aristotle. However, if we lack compassion for ourselves we cannot expect to be able to thrive and help others. It’s something we need to preach more in everyday life; we need to learn to love ourselves before we can love others. It’s the foundation for everything, and many relationships and friendships fall apart because we believe as a society that in order to be of any worth we must be loved by others. It’s a confusing paradox but yet a prominent one that we face as modern people. So we strive and long for approval from others, and when we get the opposite we indulge often in self-hatred. We face rejection and believe that it defines who we are: Not good enough. Also not true.
I decided to write this entire article for a rather personal reason. Many people who know me will be aware that I take EVERYTHING to heart. I rely heavily on the approval of others and remember once being told that I wasn’t good enough, and truthfully it still stings to this day. It’s something I never quite got over. And so as a result, still I cling to the approval and love of others to tell me who I am and what I’m worth. I’m starting to realise as I grow older why this will not always work. It may seem morbid, but things don’t always last. Sometimes friendships fade; we lose the things we cling to, the things we rely on to tell us who we are.
We are whoever we want to be.
Don’t let others define your worth, as I and so many others I know do. You are not a bad test score, or anything else that makes people tell you that you’re less than you are. Let’s grow and learn that the only approval we need is our own. Let’s be strong for ourselves before we can do it for everyone else. I promise those who are worth it will thank you for it and more importantly, you yourself will.
It’s important to be connected to others and have people who love and support you, but it’s also important to learn who you are and love yourself. That way, we can emanate the love we possess. Help the people you love also because it makes you feel good. Make sure you are happy within and look after yourself, because that should be your priority, no matter what. It’s not selfish, on the contrary, you’re more equipped to help others when you can love and accept yourself.
We are told so often to rely on what other people tell us to discern our worth. I mean, pick up the nearest magazine which will tell you how to look, how to dress and how to behave. People all around us tell us that we need to be supermodels, world class musicians who play acoustic guitar, when all you want to do is sit at home in your pyjamas drinking a cup of tea and belting out musical theatre songs. Don’t let anything define you besides you, because when there’s nothing else there’s still you! You’re beautiful, no matter what they say. You may not be Beyoncé, but you’re still pretty damn cool!
Let’s be independent badasses, beautiful in our own way. Look at yourself in the mirror and say to yourself; ‘Today is the day I will dazzle the world and show everyone who I am, because I love me.’
It may be scary, but also just what you need to be the best version of yourself you can be.
Emma's E-Musings 